7 Benefits of Staying Hidden (a.k.a. How NOT to Show Up)

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

A friend of mine recently shared a story about a coworker getting ostracized at work for speaking up about wanting to work from home for a few days once their office opened back up. After the meeting, people were questioning her work ethic…it was bad, to say the least.

“She spoke up and now her career is forever tainted,” said my friend.

It’s stories like this that have inspired our What Rules!? podcast. We often talk about the myths and dangers of multicultural women “showing up as their full selves” and the strategies they can employ to show up in a manner that works around or through (very common) toxic work cultures.

When you’re constantly punished for showing up as “you,” why would you want to keep trying? It’s exhausting! It’s what holds a lot of women in the workplace back, unfortunately.

(Next week on the podcast, my friend & Diversity Marketer Shantell Thomas shares how she shows up at work as her full self no matter what people think, so make sure you’re following along to hear her how she navigates relationships at work!)

Outside pressures are real, but what about the ones we place on ourselves? What about the stories we make up in our minds that hold us back before we encounter anyone?

Over the years, I’ve become an expert at not showing up when everyone else thought I was the queen of putting myself out there. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve seen me share what sandwich I ate for lunch, the funny text I got from my grandma, a new insight a coaching client shared with me, and maybe even my messy kitchen from time to time.

But that’s only one way to show up. We all know social media isn’t the place to capture all of anyone, no matter how many hours of their lives they might share.

Last year (and bleeding into this year because it’s all still a blur), I set an intention, a “yearly theme” or mantra to remind myself that when I show up, magic happens. I’ve applied this to all areas of my life. It’s been pretty incredible.

I feel transformed and free when I am able to bring all of me to the table.

However, every once in a while, the old me creeps in and reminds me why I like hiding. The old me practically has a sales pitch as to why I should stay hidden!

The seven benefits of staying hidden:

1. If people only see part of me, they can’t reject all of me.

2. If I don’t have to try, I won’t fail.

3. It’s much easier to stay hidden than to be seen.

4. If I focus on sharing my weaknesses, it’s better, because people will relate to my humanness and connect to me more.

5. By only revealing parts of myself, I’ll never be too much or too little for anyone.

6. I want to put others in the spotlight, so my work (and life) is my way of giving other people the chance they deserve to shine.

7. Staying hidden is a time-saver. Just let me live in my bubble and no one will get hurt. I’ll be able to get so many other things done!

Do you relate to any of these? Which one?

This year, I’ve chosen to stop listening to these benefits so I can live a life of freedom. I have to stop hiding if I want to see magic happen.

Here’s what happens when I turn these into the seven benefits of being seen:

1. When people see all of me, they will love all of me.

2. If I try to be more visible, I might fail…or I might change the world.

3. It’s much easier to show up as my full self than to put in the work of hiding parts of me.

4. If I focus on sharing my strengths, people will see my courage and connect to me more.

5. By revealing all of myself, I’ll be just the right amount for the right people.

6. If I am shining in the spotlight, how much brighter of a light will I get to share with others!?

7. Being seen allows me to move fully throughout my day without hurting myself so they I can powerfully serve others.

When I show up, magic happens.

This is not my special gift or unique superpower. Showing up is for everyone. Showing up is for you.

It’s time to get out of the shadows and show up as ALL of you.

When you show up, magic happens.

I love helping others become more seen. It’s what I do. As a Vision Producer, I don’t want anyone’s visions to remain hidden. If you want to show up more, let’s talk.

In the meantime, I’m going to keep showing up. I’m going to continue to work on not hiding parts of myself I normally hide.

It takes work.

It’s a commitment, and it’s an ongoing process.

No more hiding!